I Love My Boring Life, But...

So, I really try my very darndest to make sure I keep my little world in check. I try to be kind to my husband (even when he sucks, lol), take care of my kids the best that I am able, be a good friend to those who are good to me, work hard, get good grades, etc. I have my little life, with my immediate family, that we have created, pretty well figured out.

But every time it feels like we are going to catch a break, something throws it out of whack. This past week has been one of the hardest in my memory, and strangely, it has NOTHING to do with me or Stu or our kids (or Jasper!). When things that are so far outside my life effect me, it makes it even harder to know what to do, or how to feel, because there is nothing I can personally do about it.

A few days ago, one of my brother's friends (and a kid I have known since he was little, I knew his Dad well...) sadly chose to take his own life. It has been devastating to the high school kids in my home town right now, and since it was so close to our family, it is almost all I have thought about since it happened. I am confident that if he could have seen the outpouring of support and been able to see what his friends and community have said and felt about him, he never would have done this. But that's what is so heartbreaking about it, there is no going back. I imagine my own kids and the struggles they will face in their lives and it literally hurts my heart for this boy's family to even think a child could be hurting so much that they would think this is the only choice. It makes me hug my own kids a little tighter, and makes me want to remind every kid I see that "it gets better". High school is nothing compared to real life and if you can just stick it out, you'll see how big and opportunistic the world really is. It's just so, so sad...

On top of that, my Jackson has yet another ear infection, so we all got nearly no sleep last week, which only compounded the stress and raw feelings. That poor baby. I feel so bad for him. I can't just explain to him what is going on and I can't comfort him much, it just sucks having a sick baby. Then, there is some more crap that is outside of my control, but well within my realm of pissed off, that is going on in my extended family. I am growing some serious feelings of resentment and raw anger about the issue, but again, there is absolutely nothing I can do. I do have a feeling this is going to completely change my relationship with some people that have loved me since I was tiny, and I am not sure how to deal with it. Especially since, while it seems to be pseudo-public, there is a great deal of secrecy going on and I hate every second of it. Anything that keeps me up at night has no place in my life, but this isn't something I can change or just get rid of. So I am stuck with it it seems. That's uncomfortable to me.

Looks like I am just terrible with change. Heh.

We've also been considering (though leaning toward the "no" side) going back to the UAE again. There are nearly no jobs to be had here (that can support our family) and we are running out of options to ever move forward (with our lives)to anywhere than stuck where we are. (I believe it was William Blake that said non-movement was the ultimate fall of man...) People say that we're in a good place for our age, etc, but the day-in, day-out process of never moving forward while I miss my kids growing up is very hard for me. I doubt we will go (especially with the unrest and radiation, etc that is going on over there right now), but it is difficult to be able to quadruple our yearly income, while enabling ME to stay home with our kids, and not take that opportunity. I am sure we will keep you posted.

In the meantime, here's hoping things can get back to some semblance of normal and things outside my control can stop rocking my boat.

And Baby Makes FIVE.

I suck at life! I can't believe it has been more than two months since I last blogged! To my credit, schools has simply sucked this semester and I can't stand a single class I have (which has made me decide to change my major yet again... take THAT Education!)

More than that, though, we have dealt with a long line of sickness and exhaustion. Jackson was sick with an ear infection and RSV for over a month and then Kaden and myself got sick as well and I felt like death. We have also been sleep deprived for the better part of a month dealing with Jackson, who, like his Mommy, sucks at sleeping, and we just can't get a break with him at night. After waking up close to ten times the night before, thankfully he only woke up once last night and went back to sleep pretty easily, so I did get a bit more sleep.

So, the big news that everyone else has heard, but hasn't hit the blog yet is that I am 14 weeks pregnant with baby number three. :) I think we are going to wait to find out the gender until it is born... if I can stand it! Haha.

In other news, Kaden is growing more and more everyday and he is just hilarious and smart. This morning I was getting ready for work in a sleep-deprived haze and I said, "Hey buddy, have you seen Mommy's boots?" And he goes, "Yep, they are in your room by your bed." Sure enough, they were in my room by my bed. What a little memory he has!

Jackson is soooo close to learning how to crawl. He gets up on all fours and hops his knees forward, so all he has to learn to do is move one hand and knee at the same time and he will be all set. He says ma-ma and da-da and still can say "no", silly guy. He also waves bye-bye now and definitely understands a lot of words I say to him. I can't believe my tiny baby is already 8 months old! It feels like it is going even faster this time around!

Well, that's about all that's new from us. Stu and I are still plugging away slowly but surely at school and I'm still busting my ass for pennies at my job... but I do like it. :)

I almost forgot to add: For my Nonfiction Writing class, I have been working feverishly on an essay about the Cesarean Epidemic in America... as part of the assignment, I made this video about VBAC as a subset of the article I am writing. Enjoy. :)

Welcoming 2011.

Time off is so great. I got 10 whole days off of work and any other committments to spend with all my boys and it was so nice to have the time. Christmas was awesome and my boys got more toys than they needed, and I got a KitchenAid mixer! Woohoo. Stu also got me a ton of Bronco stuff and then we spent the rest of the time off watching The Pacific, which was one of his presents from me. All-in-all, a very good holiday and time off. I am not thrilled to be back at work, but I guess time off can't last forever. :)

School starts again on the 18th, so we are just getting ready to be beyond busy again. I think Stu is pretty bored these days with no school and just watching the boys, but he will have a full schedule once classes start again.

Here is a picture of all our loot from Christmas! (And a few more from Christmas morning) :) We spent Christmas dinner over at Marcia and Deven's.

My handsome boys!

Kaden as Ironman!

Jackson sure liked his Christmas outfit. :)

Christmas Eve.

I was off work starting on Thursday and that night we got to go on our helicopter Christmas lights tour! Kaden had even more fun than I'd hoped and if he was afraid (tight grip and all), he never showed it one bit. He was so brave and climbed right up in that seat and got his headset on without a single problem. He held my hand (quite tightly) the entire ride, but was chatting and excited the entire trip. Sadly, we thought we got the whole thing on video, but when we got back to the car, Stu realized he had it on standby and not on record, so we only got a little like ten second clip. But we have the memories and a single great pic of Kaden ready to take off with his headset on, so that will do! :) He keeps asking if he can go back on the helicopter, so hopefully we will be able to do it again... maybe next year, :)

Tonight, we took the kids out to dinner at Red Lobster and they were little angels. Jackson busied himself with his book and laying on the seat beside me to eat his bottle, and Kaden colored and read the appetizer menu. I love that I feel comfortable and confident taking my kids out in public because I know they will almost always be so good. We had planned it perfectly for right after nap for both of them, so Jackson didn't even get grumpy until we were on the way home from a Wal-Mart stop after we ate. It was great!

We are just so thrilled for Santa to come tonight! Kaden is at the perfect age for wonder and amazement and his questions just thrill me to the core. I love sharing his glee and reliving my own excitement I felt as a child for Santa's impending arrival. Even thought he's been in bed for over an hour, if he's anything like me, he is still awake thinking about Santa and if the reindeer will like the carrots we left for them. My sweet little guys.

Tomorrow we will begin our day with gifts and a breakfast casserole I put together tonight (WAY easier than making breakfast! :)) and then we will end it at Aunt Marcia and Uncle Deven's for dinner and presents. I never thought I could love Christmas anymore... then suddenly I found myself the parent of a 3-year-old.

May your Christmas be as full as ours!

20 Years.

What a great day yesterday was! I got to go to a surprise party for my former boss, who has been with the AG's office for 20 years now! I think it is awesome that such a dedicated attorney would stay for so many years in civil service, when he could easily go off and make 3 or 4 (or more) times what he makes at the state if he went with a private firm. But that's just the kind of guy he is, moral to the core. It was so nice to get to see all of my old coworkers and get a tour of their new office, which is so much newer and cleaner feeling than the basement we used to be stuffed into. I also got a chance to catch up with my favorite people from that office and exchanged promises to get together. :)

Then, when I got home from that, I made breakfast sandwiches for dinner (take THAT McDonald's!) and then we all got bundled up and headed out for a drive to look at Christmas lights. Last year Kaden was pretty confused and was mostly just tired, but this year he was so excited and kept saying, "On my side now!"... "Now on Mom's side!" when we would pass good houses. It was a blast. Jackson snoozed for most of it and then woke up just in time to go home, without too much fussing. So all-in-all, a very successful lights-seeing night. :)


Because it isn't a secret anymore (thanks, Deven's drugs! lol), I might as well divulge that one of Stu and Kaden's presents this year from Mommy is a helicopter Christmas lights tour! We are going tomorrow night and I am so excited to take my little buddy on his first (and Mommy and Daddy's first also) helicopter ride! I am really hoping he doesn't freak out and that we all have a great time, because it sounds so freaking cool! Lol.


After Christmas lights we finished our evening cuddling for a bit on the couch, me indulging in some gifted homemade Kahlua and milk. Yummmm.



Tonight is the MAACO bowl and I am so excited to watch my Broncos take on the Utes! Go! Orange! Go Big Blue! Fight! Fight! B-S-U!

Weekend Bliss!

WHAT an amazing weekend we had! Mimi and Papa surprised us by flying into town without notice so we got to spend the whole weekend with them and Marcia and Deven (and Company) making cookies, eating, hanging out and laughing. It was great, and definitely worth the surprise!

Saturday morning I woke up to Stu telling me Marcia wanted us to head over the make cookies before it got too late and Kaden needed to nap and that she was going to make breakfast items, so I got up and got dressed and we headed over. Marcia told Kaden that there was a surprise upstairs and that he should go get it and bring it down to us. He readily agreed and I guessed that they had gotten us something Christmas-y, like one of those blow-up lawn ornaments or something and his squeal of delight made me imagine they had already blown it up upstairs. Instead, down he comes with Mimi and Papa in tow! I was so excited and felt instant relief because I'd been fretting over the fact that we wouldn't be able to see them for several more months and Jackson and Kaden just keep growing so fast, so I did the only rational thing... I cried like a baby! :)

We spent the whole weekend just having so much fun that of course it went by WAY too fast, but was so nice. Kaden found out that his great grandpa is SANTA and he was soooo excited! We got to take pictures with a Santa that they know and love, so we didn't get any of those terrified kid pics, which is nice. Haha.

I also got to finish my Christmas shopping this weekend with Marcia and Mimi which is infinitely better than alone, though the crowds were nuts and exhausting. It was too bad they had to leave so quickly, but I am so glad they came! Here are some pics from the weekend.

Jackson showing off Grandad's skillz in the crib he made for Kaden.

Papa and Jackson looking at each other during meal time.

Kisses for Papa! Sweet baby.

Kaden and Jackson on the only REAL Santa's lap.

Jackson and Mimi share a sweet moment together.

Working..... out.

I have had a really hard time losing the baby weight this time around and I think that is partly because it has only been 4 months and partly because I. HAVE. NO. TIME.

The last 4 months have consisted of me working full time, going to school, and then rushing home to eat and hang out with my kids for a little while before they have to go to bed, and then the next day we did it all over again. Now that school is officially over as of Tuesday, I am able to come home right from work and not have to worry about homework deadlines or upcoming tests, so I can just be with my boys. But that also means that I have no more excuses to avoid working out...

...That STILL doesn't mean that I have any motivation to. I got on the elliptical last night and after about 5 minutes I thought I might actually have a heart attack and die in my kids' playroom. But, alas, I survived and today, I feel sore, but good. So maybe I can put this into my routine without too much grief. :) Still doesn't mean I WANT to.

I mean, let's be honest, would YOU want to waste your time working out if you had these faces to play with as an alternative???

I didn't think so.