Damn you, Facebook!

Ok, so I have recently gotten back in touch with a few people I haven't talked to in years and one of them mentioned that they "still read your blog" and I felt so bad! What a horrible blogger I have become! So I am going to try to blog every day for a while (we'll see how it goes). Even if it is just something simple, because the reason I stopped blogging is both that I post everything anyone would ever want to know on Facebook (and the photo upload time is shorter) and because I always feel like I don't have enough to say to warrant opening up a whole new blog. So I just don't. And that makes me lame. SO I am really going to try to get better again! So daily blogging until I can get back into the hang of it again!

Today I have my math final and I am terrified. Suddenly my math teacher completely changed the way he was grading (as evidenced by my test scores going from a 91 and 100%s to 60 and 65s). My final is worth 20% of my grade and this should be the last math class I ever have to take (provided that I don't change my major again). I have to score above a 50% to pass the class, but after the last two tests, that seems up in the air. I have no idea what the test will cover because he refused to go over it with us. I just feel like my hands are really tied AND I am pissed that my GPA is going to be affected because some douchebag* with tenure is having an end-life crisis (it can't be mid-life unless he's an elf because he is like 400 years old).

I am also turning in my Ed-CIFS final today (my teacher was MIA yesterday, even though I've had it done for days) so after 3 PM I am DONE with this semester! (And will have no real reason NOT to blog then, see??? :))

Anyway, Jackson is growing like a weed and is a big boy 4-month-old now and just cut his first tooth this past weekend. Kaden is my little intuitive genius and has a huge heart. I just love watching him grow and develop. We ALL can't wait for Christmas... stay tuned for some surprises coming up soon!



*(And no, spellchecker, douchebag is spelled correctly.)

End of Summer.

He have had such a great summer and I am so sad to see it go. Most recently we went to a kickass wedding, the play The Woman in Black (totally freaky), and watched Bronco Football. :) Here are some recent pics from the Fox Household:

Mommy and Daddy out with grown-ups!

Mommy and Jackson enjoying some quiet time.

Kaden painting at Art in the Park.

Jack-Jack showing off his bling-bling.

Chillin' in Mommy and Daddy's bed!

Cyber Parenting.

I know what a bad blogger I am, but it isn't that I forget to blog. It's that I REALLY have nothing worth blogging about! I open a blank blogger page every so often, but then I just sit there and stare at it. I don't want to blog nonsense, so I figured I'd wait until I had something more than, "I love my kids! Now here's some pics of them!" to say. And I found it. :)

My aunt posted a blog about Parenting By Text, which I found both profoundly amusing (remembering the days my own Mom used to scream for one of us and we'd come running) and also eerily foreboding. "Is this a peek into my future???" I would be kidding myself if I didn't acknowledge that in this day and age, I too will be texting my boys to see where they are, or asking them to complete a chore. Heck, I do it already with my husband. And I am definitely guilty of texting someone in the same room I'm in, if what I have to say isn't polite for mixed company. But it's just odd how much things have changed in just 10 years or so.

And I'm also deeply grateful for technology because each day I can watch my boys via webcam while I am at work. I minimize the webcam screen and carry on with work, but when I miss them or wonder what they are up to, instead of having to guess, I can pull the screen back up and see for myself. :) This morning I got to watch Kaden working on his preschool (the letter E!) and Jackson cry, rock in his bouncy chair, and eat. I love technology.

Kaden working on the Letter E.

Jackson snuggling with Daddy.

Preschool and Haircut

After seeing how expensive preschool is here and the waiting lists associated with the good ones, Stu and I decided to start "homeschooling" Kaden. Here he is learning his ABCs! :)

Oh. I also wanted to mention how hard it is going from the roll of just "Mom" for 6 weeks and then getting back into the swing of working again. So, to help my self-esteem, since I was going back to work an only marginally smaller belly than I left with, heh, I got a massive haircut! This is the shortest my hair has been since I was 19 and lived with Mimi and Papa! :) It also meant that there was a LOT of hair on the floor after the haircut with as thick as my hair is. So I had to take some pics. :)

But it didn't go to waste, there is an organization that takes old hair and makes mats out of them that soak up the spilled oil in the Gulf, so that was pretty cool. My hair went to a good cause at least! :)

And I have actually done my hair and worn it down EVERY day since I got it cut, which was last Thursday, and was definitely a first for me. :) I love it!

And an adorable one of my sweets. :)

Six Weeks Later.

Boy has time flown since Jackson was born! I can't believe it's already been 6 whole weeks since he joined our family! A lot has happened since then too, which should explain why I have continued to be a terrible blogger, but if we’re being honest, the real reason is Facebook. I post everything anyone needs to know there including pictures, so I forget to update here as well. I would like to continue here too so I can look back and read this from time to time like I do of our time in the Middle East.

So let’s do a quick recap: Jackson and I came home the day after he was born and settled into life with two kids. It was easier this time around both because I was up on my feet almost immediately, and because Stu and I were both completely off from work and school for 5 weeks after he was born, so we had ample time to get used to our new life and work out the way we had to adjust.

When Jackson was two weeks old, he took his first airplane ride! He and I flew to Spokane (Coeur d’Alene) while Kaden and Stu (and Jasper) drove up. We flew both because I wasn’t sure how long I could comfortably sit in a car a mere two weeks after blowing out my vagina, and because I wasn’t sure how good of a traveler Jackson would be, so we opted to fly.

He was a perfect angel baby traveler on the flight. He fell asleep right before I left the house and then didn’t wake up until we pulled into the driveway at my Mom’s house! He even slept through me getting him out of and back into his carseat when we went through security. Champ baby. I didn’t know what to do with myself though. I got lunch and listened to my ipod. I was so traumatized after my last flight experience (don't remember? Click here.) that I had expected for the worst and got the best! It was awesome.

We spent two weeks at my Mom and Dad’s house, which was great. The whole family got to come by and meet Jackson and spend time with him and I had plenty of free babysitting! :) We frequented the famous Hudson’s Hamburgers in downtown Boise and took in the beauty of the city. We went hiking with my siblings and out on the boat and of course, the point of the trip, we had the Pig Pickin’. And Jackson got his own “Pig Pickin” onesie just like Kaden’s from Aunt Mo! We all had a great time, but of course had to go home eventually. We got back to Boise on August 18th and then started school the following Monday.

Stuie and I at the Pig Pickin.

Sweet sleepy baby.

Such a proud big brother!

This Monday (a week later), I went back to work and I definitely have mixed feeling about being here. Part of me is glad to have something expected of me every day, but mostly I just find myself missing my babies and wishing I was at home instead.

One thing I have realized is that it is a LOT harder to lose the weight this time around. Last time it kind of fell off fairly easily and I just had to wait for my skin to shrink again. This time, there is still tons of fat and nothing fits. Talk about depressing. Plus I’m up at 6 AM after 2 middle-of-the-night feedings, minimum, then I work until lunch, have class for an hour, work again till 4:30 then have class again till 6. I get home at 6:30 (and that doesn’t count finding time for online class time), rush around eating, getting stuff ready for the next day, packing lunch, etc., then finally try to relax and enjoy time with my boys before I rush off to bed around 10 and do it all over again. It’s super tiring, when in the world am I supposed to work out too? Ugh. So we’ll have to wait and see how this weight-loss thing goes.

Anyway, that’s about it from us. Now that we are working/school every day, we’re not doing a whole lot, but eventually this semester will be over too and we’ll have that many more credits under our belts. Slow progress is still progress. :)

Me and my pretty baby. :)

Jackson William's Birth Story

I have been waiting so long to write this post! I have even imagined what my own personal outcome would have been and “written” it in my head a hundred times. Now, I am so happy to say, I get to write my real story.

Jackson’s birth story actually begins with his older brother’s. During my first pregnancy, I was more interested in what was happening inside of me, with my growing baby, than with how he would come out. I didn’t know it was something I needed to learn about. I thought babies were just born and that was that. I now know it’s a lot more complicated than that, and after agreeing to be induced with Kaden, (ultimately a failed induction) each intervention from artificial rupture of membranes to internal monitors, to Pitocin, and eventually to a c-section for fetal distress, all could possibly have been avoided with a little more knowledge going in.

So when I got pregnant with Jackson I knew I wanted to VBAC. My mom had VBACed 3 babies after she’d had me my c-section, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. Then I started researching and talking to people, and I realized the concept of VBAC was a lot more foreign than I expected. After reading countless books (probably 15) and making my poor husband watch DVDs and read birth stories, not only had I become convinced that I wanted to VBAC, but I’d become an advocate for it in general. So many people I talked to were completely ignorant about the risks of VBAC. I heard more than once things like, “My doctor wants me to have a repeat c-section because I could die in a VBAC attempt” (not true, sometimes babies die in VBAC attempt, there are no statistics about maternal death rate associated with VBAC… moms die on the operating table) and “I’ve had 2 c-sections so I can’t have a VBAC now”.

Then I hit the 40 week mark in my pregnancy. I never really thought I would go to 40 weeks, honestly. I had polyhydramnios, which basically just means too much amniotic fluid, and I guess I just assumed I would (quite literally) pop before then. But 40 weeks I hit and my doctor, while still supportive of VBAC, said at 41 weeks we would need to start induction options. Surely I wouldn’t get to 41 weeks.

Thursday, July 15^th

I got checked and had a membrane sweep done. I was 2 cm and 75% effaced, -2 station. After having tried EVERY means of getting him out on my own, including every hare-brained idea anyone threw at me (Castor oil three times, eggplant Parmesan twice, walking for miles, sex as often as possible, nipple stimulation, red raspberry leaf tea since 30 weeks, evening primrose oil since 34 weeks, etc), I was really hoping the membrane sweep would work wonders and I’d have my baby soon.

Saturday, July 17^th

Kaden’s birthday was July 21^st and since it looked like this baby might actually gestate forever, I decided to go ahead and plan his birthday party, and then if it needed to be moved, we’d move it. (Really, I was hoping Murphy’s law would force me to cancel it and we could have a baby instead.) So we had friends over and celebrated my little man become a big boy 3-year-old. I had been having contractions for at least a week, including several hours’ worth after the Castor oil attempts, but they would all eventually peter out in the wee hours of the morning and I would pass out from exhaustion and start the day again.

I talked with my doctor again and we agreed to an early morning induction with Pitocin at a 1 to see if anything could be jump started. I was adamant that I wanted to keep my waters intact and try no other forms of induction if this one didn’t work. My doc agreed that if after several hours nothing was happening, we’d just go home and try again another day.

Sunday, July 18^th

Stu woke me up at 6:30 after I’d managed to set my alarm wrong and overslept my a half-hour, so I didn’t have time to worry or fret before going to the hospital because we were rushing around trying to get out of the door and make it on time. We got there at 7:06 am, which was pretty good for being so late getting up, and we got right in and got my IV placed and hooked up the external monitors.

My nurse, Kelly, was amazing and a Natural Childbirth advocate, as requested in my birth plan. She told me about her 3 kids’ labors (one drug-free, one an epidural delivery, and the last a c-section) and she completely understood why I wanted a VBAC. In all of my research, I’d quickly realized that the best chance of achieving a VBAC was to do so as drug-and-intervention-free as possible, so my birth plan was pretty simple, “stay away from me.” Kelly checked me before starting the Pit and I was about the same as the last check in the doctor’s office.

We had agreed to go up by 1 increment every half hour until I had a good contraction pattern going and then try turning it off to see if my body would take over on it’s own. When I was at 2 units the contractions really started to pick up and I could tell they were finally consistent and by 3 units I needed Stu’s help to feel comfortable through them. He was pushing on my hips through them and that felt amazing.

At around 10 am, I felt a contraction starting and I told Stu to “come push” on my hips and as soon as he started pressing, I felt and heard this huge POP and suddenly water was rushing down my legs. I started laughing and said, “You just broke my water!” We called the nurse to let her know and we all had a good laugh every time she would tell another new person that “her husband broke her water at about 10 am.”

My Mom arrived sometime around 11 and contractions had really started to get more intense. Jackson’s heartrate was not looking as good as they like to see, he was having some late decels after contractions, and no accelerations at all. Kelly said this was because my placenta was just done and the baby needed to come out, hopefully sooner than later. We turned off the Pitocin at this point and it never went back on.

I labored for the next few hours making slow progress from 4-6 cm. I utilized the jacuzzi tub, which was wonderful except that I couldn’t sit on my butt during contractions so my knees and legs got sore pretty quickly. Then getting out of the tub sucked because suddenly my heavy belly was my burden once again without he benefit of the water helping it float.

I got back to my room and alternated between hands and knees over the back of the bed, side-lying with modified squats, and standing up leaning on the bed (this and over the back of the bed were my favorites). But Jackson kept having heartrate decels and by the time I hit 7 cm, I was just DONE with dealing with the pain combined with nurses and the hospitalist (OB) telling me I needed to get an internal fetal scalp electrode monitor on my baby because they couldn’t tell how healthy he was. All I heard, while trying to deal with the pain is, “This is the first step in the interventions that are going to ultimately lead to you getting cut open again.” I felt like my body was a failure, my dreams of holding my goopy baby on my chest were dashed, and also that something really may be wrong with my baby and that if I refused the monitor, I might be saying, “ a vaginal delivery is more important to me than a healthy baby.” My doctor is a family practitioner, and more calm and collected than your typical OB and he was arguing with her about whether we could wait. She was a raging bitch and said that if we were refusing now, we needed to signed an informed refusal, and Stu told them to go get it. After 10 people were in my room, stressing me out, and also that nagging worry about my baby, I finally relented and got the internal monitor.

When I got checked again, I was still at about a 7 and I just couldn’t deal with the pain anymore, so I asked for (demanded) the epidural. Poor Stu, who had been listening to me preach for months about how I wanted a drug-free birth was not as easy to convince that I REALLY wanted the drugs, lol. Poor guy. He didn’t want me to be mad at him later for letting me give in. But I knew then, like I know now, that going drug-free was never about being a crunchy hear-me-roar she-woman, it was about increasing the chances of having a safe, healthy VBAC. With as much pain as I was in, I doubted that it was healthy for either me or my baby at that point and I figured being able to relax some would help my body open up those last few centimeters and have my baby.

Actually getting the epidural was Hell. I had to hold still during some seriously horrible contractions, and wondered why in God’s name I hadn’t asked for it when they were still just this side of manageable. But it got placed and I finally got some relief. It was a perfect epi too, because I could still feel my whole body and I could get up and move around on the bed (hands and knees again was my favorite and what the baby’s heartrate preferred too, so I was there a LOT), but I could finally get some relief of the pain.

I got checked and was at a “stretchy 8” with one side of my cervix completely gone and the other side “a little puffy”. Jackson’s heartrate never really liked my contractions at all, and at this point, about 16 hours into labor, we just really needed to get things moving. So I agreed to an internal contraction monitor (at that point my birth plan was so far gone, and I already had so many things up there, I figured, what’s one more wire?). The contractions proved to be good and strong and eventually I got to 10 cm and was ready to push.

Now, everyone had been telling me that pushing was better than just contractions because, “you actually get to do something” and that it didn’t hurt as bad because you were working with your body to make progress. They were liars. Pushing was the most painful part of the whole ordeal for me. Every single urge to push was evil, evil holy-shit pain. I started pushing at about 1 am and wasn’t making as good of progress as my doctor had hoped. (That’s because it hurt like a bitch and the epi couldn’t even touch it, so I think I was fighting my body and holding back some when I was pushing). But about an hour into it, doctor Shappard called the hospitalist in for a consultation (who was mercifully a NEW doctor by that time, one who got along great with my doc, and wasn’t prone to rash decisions) and I heard them say, “possible vacuum extraction” and that got my attention. I could hear, as well as anyone else could see, that the fetal heartrate was getting worse with each push and as he descended, his heartrate was worse and wasn’t recovering. Once again I panicked and had visions of having made it this far, about 20 hours of labor, only to end up in another emergency c-section. So with every contraction, I pushed my very hardest. Stu was yelling at me, my Mom was saying she could see his head, and Kristin was holding my hand (poor girl probably had bruises) and eventually with as much effort as I could possibly give, his head came out. A tiny push later and I felt his whole body slither out. What a strange and cool feeling! He was immediately placed on my belly, but he had a tight nuchal cord around his neck and body, without enough slack, so I held him under his arms and back toward my doctor so he could get the cord off his neck. Stu cut the cord pretty quickly, but because he had passed meconium and with the nuchal cord, the NICU team was there to assess him. They had to work a little bit to get him to breathe, but eventually I got my baby back while my doc stitched me up (also Hell).

It turned out that in addition to the tight nuchal cord, his head was also presenting transverse, and in a different direction than his body, so that’s what made getting him out so hard. I ended up with a third degree perineal tear and a couple of skid marks, so the repair took quite a bit of time. I got to hold my baby though and it was so awesome because when they brought him to me he was crying and I said, “Don’t cry, baby, Mommy’s here.” And he immediately stopped crying and looked around until he found me and then just stared at me while I talked to him. It was like he really knew who I was and was comforted by just my voice.

Jackson and Dr. Shappard

He was born at 3:13 am and weighed in at 6 pounds, 7 ounces, 20 inches long. After the excitement of getting to meet him died down I realized, “Oh my God, I just got my VBAC!” I was up to go to the bathroom within an hour of having him (I wasn’t up for the first 2 days after my c-section) and we were released from the hospital on Tuesday morning. While recovering has still certainly been a challenge, I am doing things I couldn’t do after WEEKS after my c-section. My downstairs DOES hurt and I have been using ice packs like they’re going out of style, but there is really no comparison to the recovery from major abdominal surgery.

My wonderful husband was the best support I could have asked for. He was there with me every single minute I needed him to be and was encouraging and sweet throughout the whole process. (He was even polite to the nurses and doctors, which I never expected, lol). He got me a ring that has two hearts and my boys’ birthstones, and a necklace that has two hearts to signify my boys. :)

Bad Blogger :(

I seriously doubt anyone even reads this anymore! I can't believe I haven't blogged since APRIL! Sheesh. And here I thought I'd keep on blogging just as frequently when I was back in the States. Fail.

Anyway, it is definitely high time for an update then, huh?

Let's see, what has been going on since April? We might as well start with a photo montage because not only have I not blogged in months, but this blog hasn't included pictures in even longer.

Mommy and Kaden seesawed. :)

We took the kids to the zoo.

Our backyard flooded and we got a temporary pond (with ducks!)

My Dad and Maddison came down to Boise for a race weekend and we got to go see her. Kaden thought she was awesome and we all had a great time.

Then, Kaden, Stu and I drove over to Seattle for Memorial Day Weekend, which was pretty great except that it rained the whole time we were there (but it was Seattle, so it gets a pass :)).

Mo and Co. threw a baby shower for me, which was so great because I got to see so many people from my childhood (and their now-adult children!). We really enjoyed it.

Stu had never been to Seattle, so we had to do the typical tourist things like Pike Place Market, which was super crowded, and we also took the ferry over the Bremerton with Mimi and Papa and that was a freaking blast. We saw an old Navy ship while Kaden hung out with Mimi and Papa at the street fair and then we all ate lunch at Anthony's, which was the best seafood I've had in a long time. Afterwards, Kaden and Papa were pooped. :)

Me on the ferry on the way to Bremerton with Seattle's skyline in the background.

Stu on the top bunk of one of the beds on the ship.

Sleepy sleepy Papa and Kaden. :)

As far as current events go, I had my baby shower in June, courtesy of the wonderful Miss Kristin, and it was awesome. It was so nice to see so many people come out to support us and our new little Nugget. We still haven't picked a name for this one, but we feel confident that when we meet him, we'll finally be able to settle on the right one (this is me using positive thinking... it's our last-ditch effort to find a freaking name, and if we still don't have one then, "Nugget" is going on the birth certificate and he can name himself later. :))

Other than that, we've just been trying to stay busy as these last few weeks of pregnancy sure can be slow. It's been getting pretty nice here lately and we're trying to enjoy the weather, and having only one child, as much as we can. I can't believe in just a few short weeks my baby is going to be a big brother and we are going to be a family of 4!! :)

So here is one for the road... my latest belly shot, taken yesterday right at 38 weeks. :) Everything is looking good and we are both very healthy, so we're just waiting for him to decide he's done incubating so we can meet him!