TITME.

For those of you who have missed the bulletin, people in the Middle East have zero sense of humor. Refer to the "fun" comment left on my last post (Not-So-Deep Thoughts).

I typically delete these unclaimed "anonymous" comments and write them off as being just some over oppressed bored-with-their-life asshole that has nothing better to do than read (again, anonymously) the fun-for-her-fans blog of an immature, blonde American girl, who has no business raising a child to follow in her demonic and filthy ways.

As I’ve mentioned in, oh I don’t know, at least ten posts, I write this blog for the wonderful people (ahem, American people) that I know and love back home. I’ve definitely taken this country in stride and all of its hypocritical and, to me, obnoxious ways of living, and I put the best mind-set forward. I do not “regret” the over-thirty comment (welcome to America, we have humor here) and I know that my family DOES tell me exactly what they think.

(Btw, what do wife beater tank tops have to do with being over 40 and “in the know”? Lol… I thought wife beaters had been around since the stone ages. I wasn’t aware they were somehow indicative of being cool. I used to watch COPS as a kid, too.)

Anyway, anonymous (most likely Arab) comments aside, the acronym above is the prefect explanation for the ways of this side of the world. This. Is. The. Middle. East.

I can’t wait to get out of this Hell hole and back to the real (unoppressed, un-brain-washed) world.

Opinions, eh? (They’re kind of like assholes… everyone has one and everyone thinks everyone else’s stinks)

Sydney out. (Back to that dark world I apparently frequent)

Sexy, sexy wife beater tank top

Not-So-Deep Thoughts.

I should really keep the computer plugged in beside my bed. Every single night (without fail) I lay there thinking random thoughts and I put together the best sentences and ideas… I make myself laugh in my head and for whatever reason, come morning, and I am back to blob-brain Sydney that can’t create a concise thought to save my life. It sucks. Last night I really was going to get up and blog but then I thought about the sleep I’d be missing out on and I decided against it. The problem is when I wake up I can’t remember what it was I was thinking about the night before anyway, let alone what great thoughts were attached to them.

Anyway, moving on. Kaden still loves his Charlie dog. He is sleeping with him now and when I tuck him in he feels around for him if I don’t hand him to him. Cute. We got to talk to Mimi the other night, which was great. Kaden and I haven’t been able to get on messenger lately because he is such a terror that I don’t have a chance to sit at the computer until he goes down for his nap. That’s right folks, he’s down to ONE nap per day. And he was mean about the segue too! He was taking two good naps and sometimes three naps per day and all of a sudden one day he decides he doesn’t need three naps, but oh wait, doesn’t need two naps either! So he went in one day for first nap and that was the end of second and third nap too. He is still just as crabby in the evening though as if he missed a nap, but every time we try to put him down for one, he screams until we get him up again. So we get to listen to half-whining for an hour before bed. Awesome.

Hey look! We match!

Last night Stu decided he needed to get out of the house (probably was really more concerned that I hadn’t left the house all week) so we went to Marina and Khalidiyah Malls. First of all, if you ever want to go to a mall here to, say, take in the architecture or to marvel at the painting scheme, Ramadan is the time to go. If you, however, would like to, say, shop at a mall… you’d best wait till October. There were approximately 15 other people in the zillion square foot mall that is Marina, and all but 4 clothing and shoe shops were closed. We went to go look at the prices for a Wii here since we can get them for about $275 and couldn’t believe that ebay had them all listed at over $300. Here they are way more than that. They start at about $350, depending on where you look, and they are all “modified” (though when you ask them, they can never tell you who modded them… “We get them from a supplier”… yeah, some guy in his Mom’s basement) so the warranty is void as soon as you buy it. Plus, Rainy and Marcelo just picked one up and all of the games are actually burned games inside of “real game” packaging, but they still are sold for 299 Dirham! You forget that there are no laws for such things here. When you buy stuff in America you know you are getting the real thing because Wal-Mart would get in trouble for selling knock-off game consoles or games. But that isn’t true here. Anyway, none of the above matttered anyway because the electronics stores were closed.

We decided to stop by Khalidiyah Mall to see if the Etihad store was open. They have these travel packages called “GotToGo” where they are for a number of days with airfare and hotel included, for much cheaper than you can set up on your own with an airline and hotel (we tried). So since Eid is coming up we were thinking of getting away somewhere. We thought going up to Fujairah would be nice but nooooo. Since it is a National Holiday it is perfectly acceptable for every one of the hotels in the UAE to increase their prices by nearly double to increase profits.

So it literally would be about the same for us to drive to Fujairah and stay at a hotel on the beach for three nights as it would be for us to take a plane to London and stay in a 5-star hotel there. Just sick. So we were talking about doing that. We’ll see. We’re hesitant to do it with Kaden and his newly found whining all day. I am not sure we could sight-see for three solid days with him in tow and him staying a happy camper. So we’re still talking about it now but we will have to see.

We decided to head up to the food court to see what it was like during Ramadan. Cool thing: You CAN order take-away food, you just can't eat it in the mall. So as we were getting fruit juice drinks, the prayer call went off and Iftar meal started before our eyes! It was so funny (interesting funny) to see all of the Muslims sitting and waiting with their already ordered food at the tables, just staring at it. As soon as the Imam could be heard they were like race horses out of the gates, eating like they were in a contest. I guess it must be awful to not eat anything all day long, but it sure was a sight to see them break the fast!

Anyway, that’s about it for me. I suppose I cannot close this without mentioning that it is September 11th. It has been 7 years! I feel so old. I remember it like it was yesterday though… I imagine it’s like those who were old enough to remember the Kennedy assassination. They’ll probably always know where they were when they heard. I remember it all though. Where I was, the utter confusion about what was happening, watching everything on TV in my DECA classroom, having a bomb scare the same day and being ushered out onto the football field to wait for our school to blow up. I even got a scholarship in college (the only recipient in Idaho for 2003 thank you very much, heh) from an essay I wrote about September 11th. (Yay for Pappy Boyington!) Anyway, take a moment to reflect.

Oh, I forgot about my bizarre experience yesterday which actually ties in with my request to reflect. I took my own advice and was thinking about September 11th, 2001 when it occurred to me that I sit here in the Middle East. How if someone were to have told me back when I was a Junior in High School that I would ever move to Middle East I would have laughed in their face. I remember how fearful I felt of Arabs after that. Naiveté I guess. Yesterday I walked down to the Haji Store (in a sweatshirt… in 100 degree weather… thank you Ramadan) for some rolls since I made sloppy joes for dinner. I got the rolls and when I was paying, this Arab man who had been staring at me quizzically the whole time I was in there said to me, “You are famous, yes?”

Me: “Huh?”

“You are famous!” (He points to me as he talks to the cashier… “I saw her in a magazine!”)

Me: “No, I’ve not been in a magazine.”

“You have! I saw you in a magazine. I know it!”

I decided to take my leave at this juncture in the conversation. What I wanted to say was, “Yeah? Well I saw you on America’s Most Wanted.”

But I didn’t. Instead I internally giggled at my own joke (I swear I’ve seen Osama bin Laden at least ten times since we moved here) and headed back to my apartment. See how this all ties in? Heh. Anyway, the joes were good, in case you were wondering. But I guess that was some sort of weird attempt at a compliment or a pick-up line. These men are strange. I get emails every day on my MySpace account of Arab men asking to “please be my friend” and they are reminiscent of 1940s Romance movies with corny lines and swooning tones. When Ahmed sends me a message about the “beauty in my eyes” I can almost hear Jimmy Stewart swooning Donna Reed with his promises to lasso the moon for her to prove his love. I roll my eyes and hit delete as fast as I can.

Although, it occurs to me that I probably shouldn’t complain about chivalry when some of our American men may be just as likely to use an opening line such as, “Heeeyyyy baby! Got a husband? Boyfriend? Baby Daddy?.... No? Den can I chill witchu?” as he licks his grill*. Sigh. I guess I’ll take 1940s uber-nerds over that.

*for those of you who are over the age of 30, a “grill” is a term used to describe the jewelry worn over the teeth, typically by hip hop and rap artists. They are usually made of metal and gems. Here’s a picture for further grossification:

Charlie.

We got a box from my Mom yesterday that had a bunch of the stuff we had forgotten as well as a late present for Kaden from my brother Hayden. It made me cry when he opened it because it had Charlie in it! That’s the little stuffed animal that Hayden has had since he was a baby that he just loves. I thought it was so sweet that he gave that to Kaden. He pulled him right out and I said to “give him kisses” and he did. He’s been carrying him around today too. It’s so sweet.

So here are some pictures from today and last night since I have been slacking on the grandmas-need-Kaden-pics department!

The rest were from this morning... Mommy above, and the rest are Kaden playing with his blankey that he loves so much!

Brazilian Barbeque

As much as I complain about living here, there really are some good aspects. I’ve tried to capture them as we’ve done them or seen them, but sometimes I know that I fall short of what I intend to project because I am writing through the fog of despair as I sit alone in my house day after day.

But this weekend could not have been overshadowed by the typical UAE things I don’t like… it was THAT much fun.

Friday night we went to a traditional Brazilian Barbeque to celebrate Rainy and Marcelo’s marriage. We took them to that Brazilian restaurant I told you about on the wedding day to celebrate with them personally, but this weekend was to be with all of their close friends here to celebrate.

It started off sort of hectic because Marcelo had decided the day before that it should be held on Friday, so plans became rather hurried. We showed up at “the French guy’s” house, as Rainy had called him, around 5:30. Now, there are few people in this city that can make you feel inferior. Let’s face it, everywhere you look, there are poor workers walking the streets, and plenty of nearly falling down buildings that house the less fortunate. But “the French guy” could one-up the best of us. Merick, (the French guy) it turns out is a fighter pilot here about to get his commercial pilot’s license… he will go home to France for the test and hopes to get a job with (you guessed it!) Air France. In the meantime he resides here in Abu Dhabi in a gorgeous three story villa with his Dutch wife, Carline, a teacher, and three gorgeous and polite children… oh, and their live-in full time Nanny/housemaid.

I am pleased to say that, mercifully, not all French people are like the French people they keep in France. Merick is a well educated, very well-spoken man who has a keen interest in politics (yep, even American politics). We drooled over the fantasy of living in such a house as we were given the tour.

Karline is Dutch and regaled us with stories from “back in Belgium” before she learned to speak French when she and Merick had first met. Their children, Emma (8), Loanne (almost 6), and Alec (just turned 4), each speak three languages: French, Dutch, and English. Their parents told us they do not speak English well. Wrong. I asked Loanne to be careful what she gave the baby because he could choke on small things and she started chatting up a storm, telling me all about her school, her favorite things, and repeatedly, how cute my “bebe” was.

Just like the wedding, once the Brazilians arrived, it feels like home. Not home like we think of home, but you just feel like a Brazilian “home” must feel like with them. Even with the language barrier you feel so welcome and such a part of the crowd (maybe it's the ample both-cheeks-kissing to greet each other).

Marcelo got to know the waiter we had on the wedding night and he came over early to prepare the marinade for the meat (then he had to go to work, lame!). There was so much food, and beer, which felt even more mischievious as it was Ramadan and here we were eating and drinking during daylight hours outside (though not in view of Muslims… fear not)!

The Brazilian women do not really speak English, some of them have a few words, but it was nice because they understood some of my Spanish (words like “zapatos” interchange pretty easily).

In America I would never start a sentence to a child, “Do you speak English?” But I did with the Brazilian kids and of course, they speak perfect English and were, like the French kids, so well-behaved and courteous.

This was just one of the times here when I have to take a step back and remind myself what an opportunity this really is. I will never be so fortunate as to blend cultures like I get to here. Just at this one barbeque there were three Americans, a French guy, a Dutch woman, 15 Brazilians, a Russian woman, and the wonderful mix that are their children!

Kaden was an angel as usual. He refused to take a nap in their (to him) weird house so he stayed up with only one nap under his belt for the day, until we left at 10:30 and then was still up the whole ride home in his car seat and even a while after we got home! Big boy! It got very humid after the sun went down and he was sooooo sweaty. He even drank three bottles with just water in them. Poor kid. But he was a great sport about it! Here are some pictures from the night:

Kaden has mastered the art of climbing on the furniture!

Daddy telling him he really can't stand on the furniture... we don't want any cracked noggins!

Early in the evening...

Rainy and Marcelo in the kitchen... like the "artwork"??? :)

Emma and Alec sharing their photo album with Kaden.

Loanne just loved hanging out with Kaden.

Loanne's turn to show Kaden some pictures.

The stair well... if you look hard you can see me at the bottom of the three flights.

Kaden beginning the climb!

I don't remember the waiter's name, but here are him, Rainy and Marcelo putting chicken hearts on skewers.

Kaden with Suyan.

Their Mosque has green neon lights!

Some of the Brazilian children.

Kaden with "grandpa" I couldn't for the life of me understand his name and I thought asking 4 times was just rude.

Marcelo cooking the meat. Yum!

Side dishes (see the sweat on poor Olavo's shirt?)

Kaden and Olavo at the end of the night... Kaden was pretty much done.

Sweaty baby reaching for Daddy.

And this is Kaden's new favorite place to play... such a big helper in the kitchen!

New Pet.

Ramadan started off without a hitch. The grocery stores are more crowded near dinner time and the drivers even more rude and in a hurry on the way, but things are pretty normal for me.

Yesterday I had the girls over for lunch which was wonderful both in that we had so much fun talking and carrying on, and in that the food I got was great! I found flavored tortillas like I used to get in the States (sun-dried tomato basil, and spinach and garden vegetable) for wraps and we found some really yummy (and expensive) roast beef and smoked chicken, as well as REAL Havarti cheese and not-so-real "sharp" cheddar cheese that was just really orange plain old American processed crap cheese. I made my honey mustard sauce for the dressing and they were great!

Vanessa brought over crab dip and crackers and I LOVED that. Stu liked it too and had the rest of it devoured when he got home, before even having time to take off his boots. So it was nice to have a good time yesterday.

I had a slightly traumatic experience though... who am I kidding, I had a HORRIFICLY traumatic experience! I was taking out the garbage and when I went to open a new garbage bag, a cockroach the size of a Doberman jumped out of the cabinet and chased me across the kitchen! There was intent in his run, he was chasing me! And the bastard had the ground clearance of an SUV… I swear to God, he had a shadow! Anyway, he chased me and I screamed and then I turned around and debated if I could just lock him in the kitchen until Stu got home. I realized I had to be the adult (since Kaden isn’t old enough to kill the scary bugs for me) so I got a shoe and smacked at him. I missed of course since the thing has a warp speed option and he just kept veering away from me. I eventually got him and he flung across the room and landed on his back with legs a-squirming. I squashed him again and he sort of stopped moving. His antlers kept going every so often and I just couldn’t bring myself to pick him to discard him. So instead I put a plant pot upside down over him and waited for Stu to get home to take care of him. Here he is next to a Dirham (smaller than a quarter) for size… Look at his menacing face! Stu laughed at me when he got home and picked him up (with his bare hands!!!) to go dump him in the toilet. Sick. I hate roaches.

Rainy had a horror story for me too. Apparently their tub stopped draining and when the plumber came, he pulled out a wad of hair that would have gone down the drain fine had it not been for the dead mouse entangled in it! Animals (and bugs) should NOT have the ability to climb up our drains from the sewer! And I live on the 4th floor!!!

Anyway, our bedroom air conditioning is broken yet again. Well, that’s not entirely true. It was working fine until the night before last our power suddenly went out. I didn’t worry until I saw from under the front door that the hallway light was still on, so I realized it has to do with our circuit breaker in our own flat. So after turning it back on and it tripping several times, I started to troubleshoot. I figured out eventually that it would stay on if the bedroom A/C fuse thing is turned off. So we slept in sweat last night as nothing can ever be fixed here the day of. This morning with just the living room A/C working, I went to run the toaster and it tripped the breaker again. So SOMETHING is wrong with something and apparently there is an electrician on his way. According to the doorman this morning he was to show up in 20 minutes. 2 hours later I went downstairs to buy a phone card and asked him again. He will now be here in 30 minutes “inshallah”… so most likely: Never.

On a happier note I discovered that our little store is open during daylight hours... they're just opening late. I called him to ask if they were delivering during Ramadan and he laughed and said, "Of course! I am Indian! hahaha" So apparently the "respect the fasting Muslims" laws only go so far. This makes me happy as I can still get bread during the day!

Not Completely Useless.

After my horrific baking experiences this weekend, today I had to redeem myself. I went in there and made a chocolate cake with chocolate icing, a coffee cake, and baked some home made garlic pita chips. See? My efforts are not all complete failures!

Ramadan Kareem!

When Kaden is in bed and the dishes and laundry are done, the blog is caught up on... I have little to do. So i have taken to people watching out of the window. Waiting for one of the construction workers to fall to their death from their lack of harnesses is only entertaining for so long. BUT, I just caught an Indian guy sneaking a drink of water behind the garbage bins! Yep, that's right, first day of Ramadan and I am already tallying! Hehe.

This whole Ramadan thing is really interesting to me. I mean sure, I feel slightly inconvenienced that all of the stores are closed until after dark, and that if I am craving a pop at noon I can't go down to the Haji store and get one for this month. But it all seems pretty cool. I mean, these people believe in their God so much that their government tells them that they cannot, nay, WILL not eat or drink or smoke during daylight hours. It is against the law. Huh. They are proving their worth to their God, and being grateful to him for all he has given them. They reflect this month on their values and try to be the best they can be. Seems honorable to me. I suppose we can equate it to Lent, but then we don't expect (or make laws) people to not consume in any way, shape, or form, during the day during Lent. And other than my cousin Flower, I am not aware of any Catholics I know that take Lent and giving up something very seriously. Here it is mandated... whether you are Muslim or not.

Stu and I tried to look ahead and sort of stocked up on things we knew we'd need to avoid going out once all of the fatigued, starving, delirious fasters are driving home from work, or once the Iftar (the breaking of the fast) mealtime begins. We do have to go out tonight anyway though because I need formula and diapers, but it was a nice thought.

I, being inside much of the day, haven't noticed huge changes around here other than as soon as 2:00 rolled around there was dead silence outside. Normally the construction workers work well into the evening, until the daylight is gone. Today, it ceased exactly at 2:00. I guess they figure their prime balancers they employ are slightly less skillful once their tummies are eating themselves (which must coincide with 2 PM...). Looking outside the streets are noticeable empty, with the occasional taxi driving by where normally there is steady traffic and honking horns. I should have picked today to take a nap! Kaden is sleeping blissfully without his noisemaker on even.

Anyway, for those of us who have yet to experience a Ramadan here, I know there is a certain amount of anticipation and all of a sudden there are things that are not allowed. I am all for people not being able to smoke during daylight hours. Too bad the Ramadan laws cannot expand to include other annoyances such as tapping pens excessively, or violating the personal space bubble when standing in lines. I guess it will be interesting to see the changes... I will be sure to report back.

To all my Muslim readers out there, Ramadan Kareem!