Sunday, March 23, 2008

Baby Killean

Our friends Joslyn and Aaron lost their baby on March 21st at 20 weeks along. It just breaks my heart for them to be going through something so awful. Jo noticed some spotting in the morning before work and so they went to the hospital just to check and make sure everything was ok. It turns out she had dilated to 6 and then her water broke. At 4:00 PM, Killean "Bean" Smith was stillborn.

It is humbling to think of how fragile life is. At 28 weeks pregnant with Kaden, Stu and I had a similar experience. I was bleeding at home and we went in to find out I was having contractions. They gave me a shot to stop them, after a few hours, things were back to normal and we were allowed to go home. Why is it that two such similar circumstances can have such drastic endings? Here I sit, staring at my now 8-month-old, and thinking about what a gift he is to us. But he wasn't even planned. Joslyn and Aaron had been trying to have a baby for months, only for this to happen. Is that fair?

Anyway, there cannot be anything more painful than losing a child. Even the thought of it happening to us scares me to death. Now, their daughter is coming home from vacationing with grandpa and grandma and they are going to have to find a way to tell their eager-to-be-a-big-sister 4-year-old that she is not going to be able to have her baby brother like she thought. The idea of that conversation kept me up last night.

So, I hope that their family can keep their heads up and find something good out of this situation. I have nothing to offer in the way of false encouragement because I can see nothing about this that warrants positive thought. Call me bitter, but what can you say to parents who just lost a baby... "Don't worry, everything happens for a reason." Bullshit. It is just heartbreaking. Nothing less. My heart goes out to them...

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