Middle East v. America

(everybody loves lists, right?)

Now that I live in the Middle East, it has occurred to me that there are some things that I might never say again once I get back to America:

1) "It's hot today." (This one almost goes without saying, so much so that it's just got to be number one!)

2) "Wow, it's really humid out!" (I go up to the roof to lay out for a few minutes every couple of days [I feel it's sinful to live in the land of the sun and be as white as I was]. I spent literally 8 minutes up there a few days ago and when I stood up from my lawn chair, sweat ran down my face, dripped onto my chest and stomach, and kept running down my legs. I. Shit. You. Not.)

3) "Is that a dress (or jammies) that guy's wearing?" (I've come to even appreciate appealing colors of the "jammies" [also called a Kaftan and sirwaal by those who wear them], the light green is particularly flattering)

4) "Are those two dudes holding hands?" (This will never stop being weird to me... only weirder is when you see them (two men) do the little kiss thing... they touch noses and make the smooch sound. It took me several weeks to realize they weren't actually locking lips)

5) "Where can I get some dank Mexican food?" (The answer here is nowhere... or can hit up the "Chi Chi's" for some VERY mediocre food... that is always out of guacamole. [Why, pray tell, would you even go to a Mexican restaurant if you knew there was go guac???])

6) "I need to get outside more." (Never in my life have I ever spent more time indoors. I think for the first 6 months I'm back home, I may seriously consider my residence being a teepee.)

7) "Do I look weird when I run?" (Somewhere about 3rd grade, American children are taught the proper way to run (or jog)... Arabs, it seems, do NOT have such a skill taught at their schools. When a runner is spotted here, which is very infrequently, he is generally flailing away so much that the arm and leg movements have to be what is creating his "cardio work-out", since he definitely isn't gaining any ground by such bizarre theatrics...)

8) (when asking for directions from a fellow sidewalk sharer:)
Me: "Excuse me, can you tell me how to..."
FSS #1: "bfjd ksfjs eklc nioc sklg fnkl"
Me: "Do you speak English?"
FSS #1: "hum dbl gack poo"
(approaching next fellow)
Me: "Do you speak English?"
FSS #2: (blank stare)
(approaching number 3)
Me: "Do you speak English?"
...
Number 8, 11, 17... Then give up and go home.

9) "The traffic sucks." (I really had no idea...)

And 10) Making any sort of reference to there being nowhere to shop for cheap clothes... I always had Ross, Old Navy, Walmart, and Target at my disposal... now I have Dior, Armani, and Gucci and all I want is a normal-looking pair of jeans for less than 50 bucks!