So, few of the things I had “planned” for my life have actually happened thus far… I’m not a college grad yet, I’m living in the Middle East… that was never part of the plan, and now, my kid is getting “old” without a sibling.
Is this a normal feeling? Lately I’ve been feeling like my window of opportunity to have another baby in the right “time frame” is fast slipping away. Growing up, I was 5 and a half years older than my next closest sibling… Stu was similarly 6 years older than his brother. I know for me, while I always had a great relationship with my sister, it was a more motherly relationship. I was responsible for a lot of babysitting, and I was always jealous of my younger siblings since they could play together (and not because Mom said to). They were 3 years apart and 15 months apart, respectively.
So now as I watch Kaden getting older every day, all I find myself thinking about is the “baby brother” we always talk about “getting” for him. The biggest problems are a) we live in the Middle East… the issues associated with this are that Ob services here are not quite what they are in the US and after a c-section delivery last time, I’m a little more hesitant to trust second-rate services. The other issue here is that while nothing bad has happened here thus far, what if, in said child’s lifetime, something bad (aka terrorist plots to the n-th degree) happens here, it will forever have been born in this country (with his birth certificate in Arabic, no less…). So it’s something to keep in mind. The other issue (b) is that we are still not completely sure what is in store for us once we move back to Boise. Sure, “find jobs” is in the plan, but does that mean really-cool-happened-upon-state-job like last time, or oh-shit-no-one-is-hiring-let’s-settle-for-Mickey-D’s job? Stu and I both need to finish school at some point and it just sucks that Kaden was born before we were all set up perfectly and ready for him to come… but why does that have to be his fault? Is he destined to have to wait until we’re “ready” before he gets his “baby brother” like our parents did?
Anyway, it’s been bothering me for weeks now and we’ve gone back and forth on what we think is the best thing to do, so no baby brother is in the works yet. It is just disappointing that my ideal family dynamic has to be set aside in favor of “real life” and its challenges.