So, few of the things I had “planned” for my life have actually happened thus far… I’m not a college grad yet, I’m living in the Middle East… that was never part of the plan, and now, my kid is getting “old” without a sibling.
Is this a normal feeling? Lately I’ve been feeling like my window of opportunity to have another baby in the right “time frame” is fast slipping away. Growing up, I was 5 and a half years older than my next closest sibling… Stu was similarly 6 years older than his brother. I know for me, while I always had a great relationship with my sister, it was a more motherly relationship. I was responsible for a lot of babysitting, and I was always jealous of my younger siblings since they could play together (and not because Mom said to). They were 3 years apart and 15 months apart, respectively.
So now as I watch Kaden getting older every day, all I find myself thinking about is the “baby brother” we always talk about “getting” for him. The biggest problems are a) we live in the Middle East… the issues associated with this are that Ob services here are not quite what they are in the US and after a c-section delivery last time, I’m a little more hesitant to trust second-rate services. The other issue here is that while nothing bad has happened here thus far, what if, in said child’s lifetime, something bad (aka terrorist plots to the n-th degree) happens here, it will forever have been born in this country (with his birth certificate in Arabic, no less…). So it’s something to keep in mind. The other issue (b) is that we are still not completely sure what is in store for us once we move back to Boise. Sure, “find jobs” is in the plan, but does that mean really-cool-happened-upon-state-job like last time, or oh-shit-no-one-is-hiring-let’s-settle-for-Mickey-D’s job? Stu and I both need to finish school at some point and it just sucks that Kaden was born before we were all set up perfectly and ready for him to come… but why does that have to be his fault? Is he destined to have to wait until we’re “ready” before he gets his “baby brother” like our parents did?
Anyway, it’s been bothering me for weeks now and we’ve gone back and forth on what we think is the best thing to do, so no baby brother is in the works yet. It is just disappointing that my ideal family dynamic has to be set aside in favor of “real life” and its challenges.
I'd be a little leary to have a baby in the Middle East, but maybe you can time it to get pregnant before you leave so you could deliver back home. If we wait until we are ready to have children then we may never have them. Sending you lots of virtual hugs during this tough time. It's hard when our babies start being toddlers and not our babies anymore. Did that sentence make sense at all???
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, there is no "ideal" time to have a baby - never has been, never will be. There will always be something that makes you say "oh, not right now". That being said, studies show that the ideal time between children is three years (for maximum physical recovery for the mom, and minimum sibling rivalry between the kids - although I might dispute that! HAHA). I would say to think about this - nothing ever really goes as planned, so maybe your planning should be simplified. The medical care once you get back to Boise will be far better than in UAE. When you get back to the US, Kaden will be about 25 months old. You can get pregnant right away and he would be just about three when the baby was born - perfect! Regardless of the age spread, his siblings will be his siblings and he will have a good relationship with them throughout his life (and remember, the sibling relationship is traditionally the longest and most enduring relationship people have). Remember, he's not "getting old" - he's still very much a baby!! The first three years are such a critical time of development, focus on making them the best for HIM, and then you will have more time to focus on a new baby after he's three. That's my Aunt Mo advice!
ReplyDeleteThey say the perfect time between children is two years. Well, Kaden isn't yet two and you will be home not long after that, so just think about things you can plan when you get back, such as having a baby! Having a baby over there is a scary thought... But we can't wait for another "great" baby, so when you get home, we'll be there! ha I know you can't wait, right...?...greatgrandparents waiting in the wings!!! haha Love you! Mimi and Papa
ReplyDeleteWell, you knew I would respond. I hear you. If you are coming back within the next year, start around the first of the year, see how long it takes you and maybe you will be home before you have the baby. On the other hand...mine are WAY too close in age and it is a daily struggle to keep my sanity! I see it both ways but my best advice is to start and it may take a few months (u never know!) and then pray you will be home by delivery day. I am sure you would be fine there until then. Jess
ReplyDeletewow, that is definitely something that would be on my mind also, if I was in your situation. I know that when I have kids I also want them to be close in age. Definitely something to wonder, but don't let it bother you too much or you might go insane :)
ReplyDeleteYou're probably going to have two babies before I even have one, lol!
ReplyDeletedon't worry... things always have a way of working them selves out. and when it comes to having babies they always seem to come at the "right" time. either choice will work out well -- at least that's what i keep telling my self when people ask us when we are going to be expecting ; )
ReplyDeleteHey Squidney! I may only be a teenager, but I can understand where you are coming from. I think that the suggestion to get pregnent before you leave but in enough time so that even if premature you could have the baby here would be great. I wouldn't want to have a baby in the Middle East either, because that isn't exactly the best place to have one. It's not quite as medically sound as it is back here, so I would wait until you got back. But I definately think that you have plenty of time. I mean, my best friend Laura and her sister Cami are 3 years apart and they have a totally sisterly relationship. And a guy at my school named Jordan has an older brother who is 4 years older and they get along great! I think that even the prospect of you having another baby is awesome, no matter when! I assure you that we will all be jumping up and down when you tell us you are expecting again! Love you! Hayley
ReplyDeleteHey Love, There is an upside to waiting a little longer I think. Seeing my sister grow up now makes me thankful that I pushed my mom to her limits when I did, because she learned so much from me that now she has it easy with my little sister. It would've been tougher for her to deal with us both going through our teens at the same time. Do you think your mom could've handled you and Justine at the same time? HAhaha. Poor Monica :)
ReplyDeleteNo! Thanks for the thought, Christy, but I am SURE I could not have handled Syd and Steen as teens at the same time!! It is better for Hayden and Maddy because they are boy/girl but I have still felt like they were WAY more work than they should have been if they had been farther apart. I'm all for having babies!! The more the merrier!
ReplyDeleteRemember, timing isn't everything! I wanted a dog and I got Justine...I wanted a baby and I got Pongo! So there you go...
Love, Mamma
Thanks to everyone for the advice and help. It really does help to hear reassuring words from those we love!
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