You know what I miss? Being able to drive anywhere without it being a near-death experience. Last night we foolishly thought we'd "just get a doughnut", "real quick" for dessert. I had yet to check out the Krispy Kreme here and I think the last time I had one was when I was staying with my aunt in Seattle... probably 8 years ago. Sad. Time for a Kripsy Kreme.
The drive there was mostly uneventful. There were a few moments of sudden braking and a few swerves, but for the Dhab, basically easy. We got to the mall and while I waited for my order of doughnuts and a coffee (which the woman could not have made any slower) Stu ran over to the gelato place to start his order. As I walked out of Krispy Kreme and toward him, I watched a Lebanese woman and her child walk up and stand very close to him. Stu looked down at the kid who was so close he was literally standing on him (on his foot) and said, "Watch it buddy, you're on my foot". Mom. Lost. Her. Shit. She started yelling at Stu screeching, "He's just a child!" Which pissed Stu off because he nicely asked the kid to move, so he retorted, "Then maybe you should teach him some manners". Wrong answer. She FREAKS out and starts making calls on her cell phone (in French, so I couldn't eavesdrop very well). She was glaring and pointing and yelling at us and gesturing to where we were sitting to the security guards and customer service ladies of the mall. Instead of awaiting the police and Stu's arrest, we decided to take our leave, with psycho-bitch following us and still squawking into her cell phone. Oppressed women are fierce. Haha.
So on the way home we faced obnoxiously obnoxious drivers. There was heavy traffic on 11th, basically stand-still. So we're patiently waiting and chatting while we wait (mostly about the crazy lady). This Emerati (the HUGE vehicle and real gold-rimmed sunglasses beneath his headdress gave him away) was right behind us in line. He decided to cut off the guy to his right (putting himself in the far right lane) and then (in still stopped traffic) inch in front of us with a dismissive wave of his hand (we're infidels, after all)... then make a left at the next light, so cutting off 4 more lanes of traffic in a span of about 20 yards. Sigh. Everyone here thinks they're better than the next guy. So, as a means of therapy, we turn on Ludacris' "Move Bitch" and play it too loud the rest of the way home (watch the music video here. WARNING: Explicit lyrics). Stu was bummed that I wouldn't let him roll down the windows with it blaring.
Want more UAE traffic nightmares? Check out Kundi's post today.